Welcome to Saturday Night in Grad School. What to know what I'm doing tonight? I've been working on homework. I did stop to watch a movie on Lifetime. It was titled Lying to Perfection. I really enjoyed this movie. It was about friendship, and letting the woman you are on the inside truly be the woman you are on the outside.

Want to know my plans for tomorrow? Homework! Well, until some people come over to watch a movie, which is HOMEWORK for me. I had a friend who was going to come visit, but something happened back at home (she said everyone is okay, but she had to go home) so she is no longer coming to visit. It makes me sad.

Something else that makes me sad... Michelle. She lives less than 45 minutes from me, but keeps putting off making plans with me. I don't know if it is something I did or did not do. Every time I try to broach the subject she puts it aside. I don't know. Let's just hope I can keep making some friends here. I need connections. I can't stand feeling this alone.

I know that I'm the one who chose to go to school and I KNOW that transitions are hard. The thing I don't know or understand is why, when someone tells you they want to visit with you and that they are free, they then change their mind. I guess I just haven't figured people out yet. Maybe someday... or maybe I'll just retreat into my books. At least they don't reject me.

Speaking of books, one of my assignments for my Children's Lit class is to read a 150 page children's book. Well, I went to the library today and found two. I couldn't decide between them. I'm currently reading 11 Birthdays by Wendy Mass. This book is about two friends named Amanda and Leo. They were born on the same day 11 years ago. From their 1st to their 10th birthday's they always celebrated together, but something happened at the 10th party, and they haven't spoken for an entire year. Now, on the eve of their 11th Birthday they are trying to figure out exactly what happened.

The second book is called The Girl Who Threw Butterflies by Mick Cochrane. This book is about an 8th grader named Molly. She has had a BAD year. Her dad died, her mom ignores her, and her best friend is sitting with someone else. All she wants to do is join the baseball team (her dad loved baseball). The problem: the baseball team is all boys.

Well, now that you know about my pathetic weekend, I hope you are enjoying your even more. Remember that some notes fall down for a reason.

When The Notes Add Up

I recently moved into my first apartment. The thing about it is that the apartment belongs to my new Graduate School. It's not like I truly moved out on my own. I moved into an apartment owned by a college that is owned by the state. Does that make me pathetic?

As I sit at my desk, in my bedroom of this little apartment, all I see is sticky notes attached to my wall. These notes can tell me anything. For some people the notes would list friends contact information, or times and dates of their plans. What do mine have on them? Nothing nearly as fun. I can tell you when the shuttle leave my apartment so that I can get back and forth to my classes, I can give you the number I need to log into a new bank account, or I could give you an exact amount of money that I owe someone. My notes add up to a pretty uneventful life.

Why do we allow ourselves to judge ourselves as harshly as we do? Why can't I look at my notes and just smile. I should be able to see that these notes add up to accomplishments that everyone doesn't have. Yes I have a note that tell me when to take the shuttle, but this adds up to the fact that I made a new step in my life... I went to Graduate School. I can give you the bank account number, but this adds up to the fact that I must have some money because I was able to open a new account. The last one, the one that show's I owe money to someone. Well, this one can be hard for me to handle. I think this one adds up to show me that there are people out there who will catch you when you fall. I guess these notes really can add up.

My new goal for myself... I want to leave more notes. I want notes that I can see the positive in right away. I want to leave them everywhere for myself. Maybe soon I'll be able to see my notes as something that is positive instead of something that is negative.

Notes, who knew that they could add up so fast.